He Said....She Said.... "I SAY!..(No More!)"

GOSSIP! "CHAT" "DISCUSSION!" "WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT"....its not right. i know from experience that i can get caught up in a group of friends and be "Chatting" about another person...but were NOT just chatting....were dissing them behind their backs....and as soon as i walk away, they do it to me.
 I have a friend named Ticket, as some of you may know, and he once asked me why i don't tell any of my Friends my secrets. My response was simply "I Don't trust them quite like i trust you. No matter how much they may want to try and help me, and keep the secret...they WILL ALWAYS end up Gossiping behind my back."
"If they are your friends you should be truthful with them. You cant lie to them. You should trust them" He bluntly replied.....
But my thoughts rushed around my head like a rapid stream of water, Trust is SO important. and as soon as that trust gets broken, its almost impossible to get it back. I, for one, Trusted Ticket with almost everything, but as soon as i lost my trust in him, all my respect for him left also.
God wants us to trust him. He wants us to Trust him with EVERYTHING....literally EVERYTHING. if He told you to pick up your feet and start walking to Canada, or Australia with NO money, No food, and only the Clothes on your back...and he said he Would provide for you... WOULD YOU GO? I would have said no...but Ticket would. i know he would. He loves God with Everything...He fully trusts God..and that is amazing to me. Gossiping about your friends is A BAD BAD HABIT. Everyone in the world needs to know that, ad try their hardest to stop, because i know....IT Kills Inside to have Someone talking bad about you.....and when you do that to someone else..... What happens? You loose their Trust....You loose a friend. Its Not worth it. Trust God. Trust Each other. It is true People make mistakes.....but don't make them Intentionally. Show your friend they can be trusted...and show your friends that They can Trust YOU!
Dear God, HELP ME TRUST MORE PEOPLE LIKE I TRUST TICKET! HELP ME TRUST YOU, I FEEL SO FAR FROM YOU. HELP ME QUIT THE GOSSIP THAT ONLY HURTS OTHERS...HELP ME LORD, Help Me.!
Everyone needs Help...just you need to be the one Willing to help them...Let GOD work through You!

Easy Way Out..of pain.

Scars cover peoples wrists. Blood stained arms and legs are hidden under layers of long sleeves and jeans. And so many people on this planet wonder why? Why would any one do that to themselves. WHY?.... Because, Their emotional pain has become to much to handle, they need a way out, they need to let go of it.. It is different for every one. Different reasons, different answers. but some people become so Numb to physical pain that they lash out and cut themselves, so deep just to feel something again. it eases there pain, it allows them a moment of peace, away from their emotional pain. Away form the worlds gawking glances and comments. away from the fights of anger and accusations. the people that ignore them and refuse to speak life into there world.
My best friend, know as Ticket was such a comfort some nights. We would stay up past 2:00 on a school night talking about God, and the Universe, the wonders of the world. He wanted me so bad to turn to God, i could feel it. but i couldn't feel God. but lashing out and Hurting your skin is not the answer...That is Not the easy way out. God is. He is the Easiest, the Safest, the most Reliable way out. Ticket spoke words to me i will never forget. he tried desperately to make me believe this, and honestly i still struggle with it. i cried out to Ticket, i couldn't feel God, i couldn't. It was as if he Did not care about me. Ticket told me to listen to a song from the radio. "Need You Now, by Plumb"... i don't need God...that's my response. but is it true? Do i need God. Some days the pain of life overflows and its hard to contain... DEAR God.. Do I Need You? Are You REAL?! Ticket Says You are...but I cant feel you! Whats Going On? Why Are So Many People Hurting...Why Doesn't This Change!? GOD...HELP ME!~ Your Wounded Searching Child.

Closing In(to my world)

Slowly i feel like my world is unfolding in front of my very eyes....and not in that good way. I have dug a hole, that i am now realizing i cannot crawl out of on my own. My good friend (i call him Ticket) was the only person in the world i told anything to. Trust in him kept me glued with his interest and wisdom. Ticket was great, he never treated me different when he saw me in that, except for the random, occasional, "Hows it going" or "Have a nice day"....and i liked that. He had a soft spot in his heart for hurting people, but he knew when enough was, he didn't want to see me get more hurt then i was, so he stoped. He Completely left me Hanging. He will not speak to me, he will not help me, he will not listen to me. I Share this with Everybody and Anybody who dares to read this Blog and not comment. Ticket is a human, and as a human, he couldn't take holding on to my pain any longer so he let go.
 I lay awake at night wondering what would have happened if i put all that trust and faith into God. Would my world now be closing in? With no way out? When i was little, God was my strength, my best friend, I loved God, and i thought he loved me. Now as i am growing up i realize, i pushed my trust onto humans, not God, and that was stupid. Ticket ended up breaking me. He ripped out apart of me that i can't fix...and now I'm left with a bigger wound then before. God, Heal My Heart, Open Up My World, Show Me Your Light...and Heal Ticket, i am sorry for hurting him.

Take the Pain

Sometimes in this life people can feel unaccepted and hurt. i would know. Many times i turned to a Friend who i thought would be of great help, and he was, sometimes. When asking for help, i would end-up pushing him away as he would try his hardest to help me out. i wanted him to take away my pain, but i knew that's not how it works. He told me only God can do that, but i struggled to believe. The stress of all this lead my dear friend to stop speaking to me, it was all to much. i knew if i didn't change i would not get my friend back...but i didn't know what to do. He tells me over and over to turn to God, but deep inside i resisted God, i make myself believe he doesn't care.. but does he? My friend, i will call him Ticket, tried to convince me God cares. And now i share this with whoever feels the need to read this simply because, all those people out there, all those who struggle with self-harm, or suicide, or abuse, or bulling, i want you all to know that Ticket believe's God cares, and i want to also. i write about Gods love, but do i believe it? i cannot feel it most the time, but the tiny bit i can, its unbelievable. God, Please Help me if you truley care. I want the love for you that i see Ticket has for you... i want to change my ways oh, Lord. Show me your real, show others your real.